New bitch

Take me to a place where I belong, keep me there and hold me tight
I have never felt this right. You have never fail to treat me like your princess, making me feel like the luckiest girl alive. 

Whatever the future may hold, I will stick with you and be by your side. I fell in love with you. Simple. Your laughter, your smile, the way you place kisses all over me, your hugs, your unconditional love, the way you get angry over Manchester United, how your nose instantly turn into a tap whenever you take spicy food and many other shits. I fell in love with you, simply because you are you. (And also because you join on my weirdness) 

It's crazy how you suddenly became so important to me. It's like watching snow falling and you didn't realize that they are actually pileing up. Then suddenly you see your whole lawn covered in snow. You are like my snow storm, baby. 

Whenever people ask, "Who are you to him?" I would proudly reply, "I'm his new bitch."

Smile

Ever since that day you took my heart, that's the reason why I smile

Thank you for coming into my life, turning it all around. Suddenly, you are all I need and all I've ever wanted. You deserve so much better than how she has treated you before, you deserve to be appreciated, you deserve to be love like you've never did before. I may not be the best but you are the best to me. It you just being you, and that's the reason why I fall for you. Stay by my side and I'll never leave you. I just wanna spend every moment with you. If I can give you one thing in life, I'll give you the power to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.

There's this man, and he kinda has my heart.

Queen

It's gonna be forever, or its gonna go down in flames.
I've never been happier. You make me feel as though you are my king and I'm your queen. Never felt like this since a very long time and I'm please that you came into my life. It's true that I've only know you for a bit but it felt as though I've known you for the longest time possible. The casual dinners, movies, picking me up from work or school and long night chats never fail to brighten up my day. Whenever you are around, there's nowhere in this world I would rather be. 

Time stops, like everything around me is frozen, the world around me disappears. 
Walls up, I've always guarded my heart to prevent heart breaks. I promise I wouldn't do this till I know it was right for me.

Past love taught us right from wrong, it also brings us one step closer to finding a better one.

Heavy Crown

This heavy crown, you can't always please the crowd, but I'm still not bowing down.
Being the eldest in the family, you ought to have a certain amount of responsibilities. Your younger siblings look up to you thus it's essential to be a role model or set good examples. But what if  your younger siblings don't even respect you in the very first place? The ones who wears the crown gotta bear it's weight. I'm not a princess, it don't run in my blood, I'm a queen, I got this shit handled..

It's gonna be freaking December in a 5 days time. Apparently December is known to be the happiest month of the freaking year and here I am, being broke as fuck. Like I've mentioned, the top two most annoying shit is to feel fat and to be broke. Unfortunately, I'm facing these two shits at the same very time.

I do appreciate people who treats me with respect, who doesn't?

Slipped away

I miss you, I miss you so bad. I won't forget you. I hope you can hear me, cause I remember it clearly the day you slipped away. It was the day I found it won't be the same. I didn't get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand. I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't.

I can't fake it, it wasn't fake. Now you're gone, there you go, to some place I can't bring you back. It's some place you won't be coming back. I miss you.

Time flies, it has been 49 days since you left.

Blocked

Oh shut it already. It's always about the past. What happens in the past stays in the past. Let it be, let it go. So harp no more over it ."Money makes the world go round"  I'm raised to keep this quote in mind. But the love for money is actually the root of all evil.

Many people these days tend to buy things they don't need with the money they don't have to impress the people the don't even like. 

Just some awesome segue again. So as of today, I've been single for a few months. 5 months plus to be exact. I use to jump from relationships to relationships, hoping and trying to find the right one. Someone who is willing to be there for me, hold on to me and stay with me forever. That's when I realized, all of this is fucking crazy. Maybe, just maybe I should start focusing on myself.  I mean I've wasted 6 years of my youth on the wrong guys after all. Well, it's pretty true that most of my gfs are happily attached, leading their little attached life. I'm just all alone here, but it took me a while to fight my denial. It's about time to finally find myself. 

If I could travel back in time to re live my wrong relationships, I would have done it again. I would have to get cheated on to realized that I trust people too easily. I would need to be overly controlled by someone to realized that I should never do controls on people. What's more important is to learn and grow from your previous relationships.

 I might have began to lose faith in love and nothing is able to change that fact.

Infected

I'm being infected with green poison.

What sorcery is this? I build my walls up and eventually got torn down with my own bare hands. This is tough as hell. Pretending like I didn't care but I do. Technically, it's easier to pretend that it didn't matter than to admit it's killing you. I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be happy, I can do a lot of these and you'll never find out. In reality, if you are silent about your pain, it will slowly consume you and eventually kill you on the inside.

Bitch cares, I pretended I could.'t care less. I mean I'm not the mushy type so obviously I'm at the losing end.

Pussy power. Be strong. Ima kill that motha fucking biatch.

On the contrary, I might be afraid of falling in love. My fear of being tied down and not having my freedom turns fairytale into a one man nightmare. Moreover, it's true that freedom is a lone road, thus explaining my contradicting plight.

I'm a strong girl. Even when I have tears trickling down my face, I still have two words, "I'm fine".

Halloween

In the real world, Halloween is when kids can dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In the girl world, is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girl can say anything else about it. However in this very country,we don't really take Halloween to that extend which is kinda disappointing. On the contrary, my awesome people and I did went for Halloween Zouk last night. Here are just some images taken.

Yes, Ima motha fucking bunny which freaking got scared in the club by some retard shit ass mask man. I almost died.

Guess what's worse? I'm actually down with slight fever and suffering from super bad alcohol rash. YOLO right?

Rude

The topic on cyber bullying has been going around. Many come up with campaigns and pledges on such an unsightly event, but does that really help? Sure enough it does bring about awareness but do people actually learn?

Pulling someone down will never help you reach to the top

I believe many internet users do come about such event in their life. Hiding behind your computers, being all keyboard warriors, trying your very best to make someone's life miserable by calling them names or saying things that aren't even true. What benefits do you actually gain after bringing someone down?

"Classic, expensive, you don't get to touch,"-Iggy Azalea. Do you even know who she is? Do you even know that it;'s a song lyrics? The fact that your didn't even get your facts right, clearly shows how shady you are.

So even before you start calling people names and commenting something mean about someone, do spare a thought on how that particular person might feel ya? If you do not wish to get such comments for yourselves, then don't do that to others. Think before you type.

If you happen to not like me, be my guest and kindly unfollow me. Thank you.

?

Being single is pretty awesome until you start to have a mini crush on someone. This shit ass feeling follows you till it starts to get stronger before crushing you flat. Does he likes you back? Or is he just playing? No one wants to get hurt. Indeed I was pretty afraid of getting hurt.

Sometimes love comes around. When they knock you down just get back up, when they knock you down. 

As crazy as it sounds,  I'm not looking for a relationship. I just wanna have a crush, a date. The feeling of liking someone but still having the ability to be free. 

Someone once told me, there are two 'in a relationship' types of people. There's this group that are "easy to love", leaving the rest "hard to love". Being the fucked up me, I belong in category two, thus relationships are just not for me.  Everyone gets hurt, I get hurt, you get hurt, but I hurt people too. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm not mushy, I'm just straight forward. I'm not romantic, I choose fun. I don't daydream, I face reality.

Turn it off

Is it just me who wishes to have a "give a fuck" switch within you so you could turn it on and off as you please? You'll always know when to stop caring, stop thinking but you just couldn't bring yourself to. It's a cold hard fact that I've been landing myself in situations like this.
The easier way to not get hurt is to not care, but that's the hardest thing to do.

You know, I'm not afraid to try again. I just don't wanna get hurt for the same reason. Should I leave things as it is and move the fuck out? I guess it's pretty clear that I gotta not give that much fucks. After all, a clear rejection will be so much better than a fake promise.

I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily and care too much.

And yes, I only do rant when I am unhappy. Blogging is a good platform for me to vent my shits off.

Insecure

I guess insecurity runs in the mind of certain people after a particular incident. I can't help but to constantly think that people come and go. How to get rid of such insecurity?

Insecurity kills all that is beautiful

I don't wanna be seen as someone who is overly sensitive and possessive. I know I am not that but who is unable to when such a thing happened to you for countless of times? The reason why we struggle from insecurity is because we compare behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.

No one wants to be left, hanging.

Stand up

It's true how after several people left my life, I tend to lose faith in people. I hate getting too close to people because when I thought they will be there for me, they eventually leave. I've learnt that people will always leave, even those who said they never would. Because one bad relationship could make you never wanna fall in love again.

Nonetheless, I gotta pick myself up and start all over again.
Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Enough

Let's just say I am able to put it this way,  "Everyone are greedy and self-centered motha fuckers." 

Who doesn't think for themselves? We are all greedy and self-centered to a certain extend, probably motha fuckers may be a lil overboard but you get what I mean. 

Cause nothing is enough in this wicked world.

Are you financially contented? Are you in a lovely relationship that contains zero flaws? Do you have enough time? Everyone of us eventually face problems in our life and we will be lacking of something. Something that you'll never have had enough of. Good enough, never is.

However, self-worth is far more valuable. Some people will like you for no reason, while others dislike without a reason. Who you choose to spend your time, thoughts and effort on depends on how much you exactly like yourselves. By just staying near to people who doesn't give a fuck about you tells them that it's alright to do so. Bitches gonna hate so basic bitch get off my face.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. People come and go, so keep your walls up bitches.

Just a Girl

"Girls are just so hard to understand,"

It takes more than a billion words to describe how girls behave or think but it works the same for guys too. If girls are not an open book, so are guys because we are just human. But one thing for sure is that girls do think way more than guys. When we say that we are fine, we are not. Maybe a woman says we are fine when we are not just don't wanna come across as too bitchy, aggressive, pathetic, sensitive, or scare you off. So if this scenario do happen (which is pretty often), keep asking why and not walk away on her.

I love being called pretty, but will never believe it. I'm not always right, but I hate admitting my mistakes. I'm almost always smiling, but it's not always real. I can be read like an open book, but I still hide some stuff. That's because I'm just a girl.

I'm not someone that apologize for my mistakes without cooling down first. So if I do, you meant something.

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. I guess I'm no wise girl. 

Leave

When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is not tied to anyone who leaves you. It doesn't mean that they are bad people, it just mean that they are never a part of your story. So thank you for leaving.

Said is easier than done. Still never fail to have a constant fear of people leaving without a reason.

Will you leave me like how everyone else did?

I do all the shits for other people and then I wake up, I'm all empty. I always get myself in this kind of fucking situations.

Strength

So I've decided to do two posts instead of one because some little duck complained. 

Most of you do know about my new ink but so for those who doesn't, here's a lil preview. 

A wolf tattoo has different meanings but in my case, it represent "Strength". 

Strength doesn't come from doing what you can do, it begins from overcoming the thing you once thought you couldn't. You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. Everything you do in life is a choice. Fear no mistakes, be strong and pick yourself up from your fall. 

Gemini's love their freedom.

Move on

Pity is cruel, Pity destroys.

Majority of the people will say, "I don't want you to stay with me just because you feel bad for me. I don't need your pity. Stay with me because you want to." You are one of the minority.
Well, this is my suggestion. You can spent minutes, hours, months or even years to over analyse situations or you can choose to simply pick yourself up and move the fuck on. Growth is painful, change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck in some where you don't belong.

Some random segue, I'll never understand people who actually thought about ending their life just due to reasons. Don't you find yourself super self centred? Have you even spared a thought about those people who really care?

Don't need y'all

I remember when it used to be simple, Cause I don't want none of that fake love.


So things has gotten better and I felt more like myself again. It's a relieve that you and I are back. Feeling a lil excited to get my tatts done, I can't wait. I can finally get to do things without anyone consent and this is one of the many advantages of being single.

Sometimes, people claim to have a certain interest in whomever they are talking to. These shit-ass 'interest' tend to go away within a blink of an eye, leaving the other party hanging. Which is a pretty shitty thing to do. I have personally experienced quite a number, anyone else? I do enjoy lying on my bed and listening to electronic dance music at the same time. It kinda soothes my mood gradually. This method helps me get through my shitty moments. 


I don't need y'all anyway.

Surface

I'm getting lesser and lesser sleep as days pass. It's unbelievable.
On the actual day of the confrontation, I kept all my actual feelings to myself. I sugar coat all my words so as to not hurt you. I rather get your attitude than saying what I actually feel so as to not hurt you more.

On the surface, it seems like I'm the one at fault. Only the people, that I've actually voice out my opinion to, actually thinks that my points are more legit. It's true that everything will no longer be the same. But you gotta admit that no matter what decision I've made, you will no longer see me the same way again.

There's nothing I can do about it. 

Better?

As I scroll through my contact list, I have came to a realization that I have just lost someone that will be there to hear me out. So, I'm actually facing a grave problem right now, who is there for me?
I have no idea what has gotten into me.

I took the extra mile to land myself into deeper shit. 
The difference in our mentality worsen the whole situation. I had to pick a side, I'll pick you. But if picking you causes both of us to be so hurt then everything just boils down to this question, "Have I actually done the right thing?" I'm at fault for liking someone in the grey zone, but you can't control stuff like this can you?

Do I feel better after voicing it out? No.

Mistake

It's a terrible mistake causing shit to go bad. I have no idea if you are just placing a strong front or you are genuinely alright.

The worse thing of all: I am always falling for the wrong guys. 

I felt really guilty for doing this, however there'e something I need to tell you. I can't seem to keep this lil secret, neither can I lie to you. Even though it will make me seem more like a terrible friend but I would rather come clean to you.

I'm not perfect; I make mistakes; I hurt people.

So the question is, " Are ex-boyfriends really off limits to friends?"

Reverse

Everything happens for a reason, how  I wish I knew what the reason was.
Sincerely thank the people who have been there for me during this period of my life. Words here and there managed to enlighten me.

"Find a man, not a boy."
"Fuck the guys who did this to us, this is what you thought me."
"I know you are just faking it I'm here for you and I'll never get bored of your rants."
"Ignore him."

If we were written in reverse, and the end was our beginning, the pain will turn to healing.

In all serious note, I'm feeling much better already.

Discarded

Never have I felt so alone. It's this weird awkward feeling where by you are overwhelmed with an amalgamation of emotions.  A mixture of sorrow, emptiness, anger and confusion. It should be a crime to leave someone without a word or an explanation.

How can someone walk into your life for one moment and left you hanging the next?

Apparently, "The Office" have managed to distract me for a lil while through its comedy, however it doesn't last long. I often find myself laughing for a while and feeling all pathetic the next. 

Enough is enough, I need to make this stop