?

Being single is pretty awesome until you start to have a mini crush on someone. This shit ass feeling follows you till it starts to get stronger before crushing you flat. Does he likes you back? Or is he just playing? No one wants to get hurt. Indeed I was pretty afraid of getting hurt.

Sometimes love comes around. When they knock you down just get back up, when they knock you down. 

As crazy as it sounds,  I'm not looking for a relationship. I just wanna have a crush, a date. The feeling of liking someone but still having the ability to be free. 

Someone once told me, there are two 'in a relationship' types of people. There's this group that are "easy to love", leaving the rest "hard to love". Being the fucked up me, I belong in category two, thus relationships are just not for me.  Everyone gets hurt, I get hurt, you get hurt, but I hurt people too. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm not mushy, I'm just straight forward. I'm not romantic, I choose fun. I don't daydream, I face reality.

Turn it off

Is it just me who wishes to have a "give a fuck" switch within you so you could turn it on and off as you please? You'll always know when to stop caring, stop thinking but you just couldn't bring yourself to. It's a cold hard fact that I've been landing myself in situations like this.
The easier way to not get hurt is to not care, but that's the hardest thing to do.

You know, I'm not afraid to try again. I just don't wanna get hurt for the same reason. Should I leave things as it is and move the fuck out? I guess it's pretty clear that I gotta not give that much fucks. After all, a clear rejection will be so much better than a fake promise.

I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily and care too much.

And yes, I only do rant when I am unhappy. Blogging is a good platform for me to vent my shits off.

Insecure

I guess insecurity runs in the mind of certain people after a particular incident. I can't help but to constantly think that people come and go. How to get rid of such insecurity?

Insecurity kills all that is beautiful

I don't wanna be seen as someone who is overly sensitive and possessive. I know I am not that but who is unable to when such a thing happened to you for countless of times? The reason why we struggle from insecurity is because we compare behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.

No one wants to be left, hanging.

Stand up

It's true how after several people left my life, I tend to lose faith in people. I hate getting too close to people because when I thought they will be there for me, they eventually leave. I've learnt that people will always leave, even those who said they never would. Because one bad relationship could make you never wanna fall in love again.

Nonetheless, I gotta pick myself up and start all over again.
Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Enough

Let's just say I am able to put it this way,  "Everyone are greedy and self-centered motha fuckers." 

Who doesn't think for themselves? We are all greedy and self-centered to a certain extend, probably motha fuckers may be a lil overboard but you get what I mean. 

Cause nothing is enough in this wicked world.

Are you financially contented? Are you in a lovely relationship that contains zero flaws? Do you have enough time? Everyone of us eventually face problems in our life and we will be lacking of something. Something that you'll never have had enough of. Good enough, never is.

However, self-worth is far more valuable. Some people will like you for no reason, while others dislike without a reason. Who you choose to spend your time, thoughts and effort on depends on how much you exactly like yourselves. By just staying near to people who doesn't give a fuck about you tells them that it's alright to do so. Bitches gonna hate so basic bitch get off my face.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. People come and go, so keep your walls up bitches.

Just a Girl

"Girls are just so hard to understand,"

It takes more than a billion words to describe how girls behave or think but it works the same for guys too. If girls are not an open book, so are guys because we are just human. But one thing for sure is that girls do think way more than guys. When we say that we are fine, we are not. Maybe a woman says we are fine when we are not just don't wanna come across as too bitchy, aggressive, pathetic, sensitive, or scare you off. So if this scenario do happen (which is pretty often), keep asking why and not walk away on her.

I love being called pretty, but will never believe it. I'm not always right, but I hate admitting my mistakes. I'm almost always smiling, but it's not always real. I can be read like an open book, but I still hide some stuff. That's because I'm just a girl.

I'm not someone that apologize for my mistakes without cooling down first. So if I do, you meant something.

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. I guess I'm no wise girl. 

Leave

When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is not tied to anyone who leaves you. It doesn't mean that they are bad people, it just mean that they are never a part of your story. So thank you for leaving.

Said is easier than done. Still never fail to have a constant fear of people leaving without a reason.

Will you leave me like how everyone else did?

I do all the shits for other people and then I wake up, I'm all empty. I always get myself in this kind of fucking situations.