Heavy Crown

This heavy crown, you can't always please the crowd, but I'm still not bowing down.
Being the eldest in the family, you ought to have a certain amount of responsibilities. Your younger siblings look up to you thus it's essential to be a role model or set good examples. But what if  your younger siblings don't even respect you in the very first place? The ones who wears the crown gotta bear it's weight. I'm not a princess, it don't run in my blood, I'm a queen, I got this shit handled..

It's gonna be freaking December in a 5 days time. Apparently December is known to be the happiest month of the freaking year and here I am, being broke as fuck. Like I've mentioned, the top two most annoying shit is to feel fat and to be broke. Unfortunately, I'm facing these two shits at the same very time.

I do appreciate people who treats me with respect, who doesn't?

Slipped away

I miss you, I miss you so bad. I won't forget you. I hope you can hear me, cause I remember it clearly the day you slipped away. It was the day I found it won't be the same. I didn't get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand. I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't.

I can't fake it, it wasn't fake. Now you're gone, there you go, to some place I can't bring you back. It's some place you won't be coming back. I miss you.

Time flies, it has been 49 days since you left.

Blocked

Oh shut it already. It's always about the past. What happens in the past stays in the past. Let it be, let it go. So harp no more over it ."Money makes the world go round"  I'm raised to keep this quote in mind. But the love for money is actually the root of all evil.

Many people these days tend to buy things they don't need with the money they don't have to impress the people the don't even like. 

Just some awesome segue again. So as of today, I've been single for a few months. 5 months plus to be exact. I use to jump from relationships to relationships, hoping and trying to find the right one. Someone who is willing to be there for me, hold on to me and stay with me forever. That's when I realized, all of this is fucking crazy. Maybe, just maybe I should start focusing on myself.  I mean I've wasted 6 years of my youth on the wrong guys after all. Well, it's pretty true that most of my gfs are happily attached, leading their little attached life. I'm just all alone here, but it took me a while to fight my denial. It's about time to finally find myself. 

If I could travel back in time to re live my wrong relationships, I would have done it again. I would have to get cheated on to realized that I trust people too easily. I would need to be overly controlled by someone to realized that I should never do controls on people. What's more important is to learn and grow from your previous relationships.

 I might have began to lose faith in love and nothing is able to change that fact.

Infected

I'm being infected with green poison.

What sorcery is this? I build my walls up and eventually got torn down with my own bare hands. This is tough as hell. Pretending like I didn't care but I do. Technically, it's easier to pretend that it didn't matter than to admit it's killing you. I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be happy, I can do a lot of these and you'll never find out. In reality, if you are silent about your pain, it will slowly consume you and eventually kill you on the inside.

Bitch cares, I pretended I could.'t care less. I mean I'm not the mushy type so obviously I'm at the losing end.

Pussy power. Be strong. Ima kill that motha fucking biatch.

On the contrary, I might be afraid of falling in love. My fear of being tied down and not having my freedom turns fairytale into a one man nightmare. Moreover, it's true that freedom is a lone road, thus explaining my contradicting plight.

I'm a strong girl. Even when I have tears trickling down my face, I still have two words, "I'm fine".